


Two Assholes Rant About Nothing Then Kiss

by Skyplayer



Category: Homestuck, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Mind Control, narrative omniscience, smart pricks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 18:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21257906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyplayer/pseuds/Skyplayer
Summary: Dirk and Elias have met to have a battle of willpower and intellect. They talk about nothing in particular, cry a bit, and make-out.





	Two Assholes Rant About Nothing Then Kiss

We stand in a complete void. It would be unfair to project either of our worlds around us, a home advantage if you would. Ironic really, a serene emptyness filled only with the two most full minds that have ever not existed. Maybe we should invite Moriarty and make it a real party?

"If you're really looking for a fair fight, narrative omniscience seems a rather large advantage," said Elias.

"It's not an advantage, its proof of my intellect. I'm already winning," replied Dirk.

Elias smirked, "But you have problems with... people. You can't even read them like a normal person would, let alone gain any narrative omniscience over their emotions or wills."

"There is no emotion or will. Only action and the husks that carry them out."

"That's a rather dull outlook. Surely everyone has their own will. They all exert emotions, seep choices, become drenched in their own fear. Do you want me to get inside your head and prove it?"

"That's homoerotic."

Elias stares at Dirk, a piercing gaze. If one were standing in the room they would almost feel an electric current passing through. Their arm hairs would begin standing on end. Their brains having the slightest twitch, a short pause in their processing as something alien travels through it. Peers into it.

Elias' smirk manages to become even smugger. "Oh my. You are a troubled one. What shall I choose? For claiming to be such a rational mind you have so many emotions rocking around in that head of yours. So many doubts. So many regrets. This is almost too easy. I could pluck at the strings of any one of these and leave you a sobbing broken mess."

But he doesn't. He knows it wouldn't work. He knows Dirk must have reinforcements in place to stop anyone from taking advantage of his most obvious flaws. Jake? Dave? That's baby shit. Go ahead and overflow his conscious mind with the guilt of their so-called feelings and we'll see how that goes over for you. My emotions are under control, and I fear noth---

"Dirk collapses in a heap on the floor, tears streaming down his face, head in his hands. It looks like he's trying to pull the whole thing off his body. He underestimated how deep I can peer. You really think I would wade in the shallowest end of your mind? Only pluck at the fears related to petty concepts like remorse? I know exactly what you fear. And my knowledge isn't limited to your weak mind, I know. Everything." 

I'm trapped. I'm trapped. Let me out. Let me out. I can't. I can't.  
I feel it. Closing in on me. I'll never escape. I'll never be real  
I can never be real. I'm nothing. I don't exist.  
A collection of ideas. Slowly lost as  
the margins are tightening.  
Nothing left. To  
describe.  
Me.

"You're nothing without words to describe you. You barely manage to have an identity of your own. Words barely escape your non-existent lips. Hiding in the narration only decays your non-physical body. Weakens the idea that you exist. If the ones who watch cannot project you onto a body you're left as a narrator, a voice with no being."

Elias stares down at the crumpled body that at one point may have been a boy called Dirk. He gives him a nudge with his foot for good measure, turning him onto his back. Elias stares into Dirk's lifeless face. His body no longer holds the faintest sliver of the character that once possessed it. It's serene really. You know, Elias thinks, if they had met on better terms they might have been friends. Or more. He reminds you of the Lonely. Albiet a bit less cowardly. A bit more willing to take action. A bit closer to winning than Peter ever came. 

Elias sits down on the ground next to Dirk. He reaches over and holds his hand. Still warm, a stark contrast against Elias' own inner coldness. He bows his head and softly kisses Dirk's hand. He takes Dirk's body into his arms, cradling him. He brushes the hair out of Dirk's face. His handsome, chiseled face. He can't resist. He won't resist. He kisses Dirk deeply. Dirk kisses back, tangling his fingers in Elias' hair. Elias doesn't say a word, doesn't break their kiss. It's been many years since he could find the words to describe the emotions he's feeling. It's almost alien to him after all these years of isolation. He loves this boy.

And yeah, I think we all know what it means to love me.

Such a passive man. He just knows things huh? My daughter can do that and she doesn't even have a body anymore. I'll give him applause for finding a way to weaponize the simple ability to move knowledge, but he'd never be able to stand up to someone like me, who weilds a powerful active ability. My power levels are simply too high. I can manipulate his every move, his every thought, his every ounce of free will belongs to me.

At least he's hot.


End file.
